King of One-Liners

We called Teddy the King of One-Liners. It wasn't because he was funny or anything. It was because when he went off his fist found the straightest line to your face and one punch was all it took. We heard someone talking about one-liners on the radio outside Stubby's one time and somebody said, "Hey Teddy, that's you man. A one liner!" We laughed but Teddy got pissed and went off on some poor guy at the bar that night, and the poor guy ended up in the hospital with his cheekbone poking inward. Teddy was a crazy dude, man.

But Teddy and me were always tight, and I always had his back no matter who he was going off on. So the night Teddy told me he was gonna cool it, I took him serious, right. He said, "I don't want to be no King of One-Liners no more." "Cool, Teddy," I said.

So of course that night we all cruising down 24th or 25th and we see this kid who looks like Stubby's little brother getting the shit knocked out of him by these two thugs who nobody had ever seen before. We all go running over there but Teddy says, "I'm gonna hang back, man." At first I think he's crazy but then I remember what he said so I say, "Cool, Teddy man."

I start throwing punches on these thugs and one of 'em breaks away from us and pulls a vodka bottle out of his jacket and smashes it on the side of the building. Man that glass smashed everywhere. I even found some in my hair the next day.

A big piece landed way back over by Teddy and we all froze, even those two thugs nobody had seen before. I expected Teddy to go off after that, but he bent down all slow and uncomfortable like all big dudes do when they bend over, and he picked up the piece of glass off the sidewalk. It was as long as your thumb man. He held it right by his face for a second and looked at us and then ate it. I'm not fucking around, because at first I thought he was doing a trick or something, but he put that shit in his mouth and we heard it crunch his teeth and he swallowed real hard and had this look on his face like it really hurt.

"Oh shit, Teddy," I said. But he just spit some blood on the ground at us and walked away. Teddy was a crazy dude, man.